Thai-ing the knot OLIVER ROSE takes a look at why British men are beating a path to Thailand in search of a Thai wife.
ThAI women are noted for their warmth, beauty, grace, charm and loyalty. Perhaps that's why so many British men find them irresistible. In many cases, that longing translates into marriage. This is now such a common practice that the Land of Smiles must surely lead the way in global dating. It's a modern social phenomenon.
Availability
So many Thai women are in or have escaped unhappy marriages. They have a fantasy that things will be better with a farang (foreigner). This is enhanced by the mutual availability of unhappily married or lonely, single Western men.
Not all men who beat the hot trail to Thailand seek simple gratification in the bars of Bangkok or Pattaya. They are looking for something better, a loving and beautiful wife.
Myths and illusions
Western men go for Thai women because they know how to take care of their husbands . . . but there can be pitfalls. - Picture by K.T. GOH The Western woman has given up the idea of being a devoted housewife and so the farang believes the Thai lady will do a much better job of looking after his needs. Indeed, she probably will as she has been brought up to take care of her husband and keep the house in order.
Dolmabahce Palace Clock Museumx0x Dolmabahce Palace Clock Museum By ISMET SONMEZ Clocks are used whenever needed however they are convicted to be easily forgotten just because they are tools...
Even when Thai women work, they are still happy to look after their men. In fact, the concept of a Western-style marriage is rather new. This may explain the philandering spirit of many Thai men, known by their womenfolk as butterflies. But the whole game of dating Thailand's beautiful women can be fraught with illusion and misunderstanding.
Many Western men come to Thailand knowing nothing of Thai culture and takes little trouble to find out. He heads straight for the bars and then makes a messy business of marrying a bar girl.
He takes her back to his country where, in many cases, she feels like a fish out of water. And then he's surprised when his whole house is taken over by her family. For Thais, loyalty to the family is paramount and sometimes the unsuspecting farang husband can become overwhelmed by it.
Happy with older men
Another reason the farang heads for Thailand to find a wife is because he has heard that Thai women are happy with older men. I know a delightful Englishman in his mid-60s who is happily married to a young lady half his age. This marriage is working because he has taken enormous trouble to learn about Thai culture and to develop his relationship with compbuttion and understanding. It helps, too, that they now live in Thailand.
In fact, a Western-Thai relationship will only work if the farang mellows his harsh Western ways and bows to the Thai way of doing things. If not, he will get very frustrated. Openness and patience are essential . . . never show your anger.
One argumentative 60-something Yorkshire man was surprised when he was confronted by his wife with a knife in her hands. He thought it was time to wind up the marriage there and then. It was never going to work.
Marriage is about more than love
Falling in love is about loveual chemistry and, of course, one of the great attractions is the misconception that Thai women are loveually free. Yet, although Thailand is a free and easy society on the surface, not all is as it seems.
Few eligible Thai women are bar girls whose economic circumstances force them to exchange money for love. The farang, who thinks that the average Thai lady will bed down with him on their first date, is in for a rude awakening.
Take the case of the young Thai lady who arrived at London Airport, having been matched with a Brit, only to discover that her new man wanted to have love even before he got her home. She fled in disgust to the agent who desperately tried to find her another partner. So much for cross-cultural understanding.
Money misunderstandings
Money. This is probably the biggest cause of all misunderstanding. The exchange rates make the farang appear a rich man when he is in Thailand and the Thai lady is often deceived by this illusion of wealth. Little does she realise that, back in his own country, where the cost of living may be three or four times as much, her man has a very ordinary income.
In addition, many Thai ladies have a simplistic idea of how to use money: they believe that, if it's there, it's to be spent; no budgeting, no saving. And, credit cards, well, they can be lethal.
There was the German who married a Thai and was posted to North Korea while she remained in Bangkok. He made the mistake of leaving her with his credit card and was then surprised when his German bank phoned him and asked why he was =A320,000 (RM140,000) overdrawn.
End of marriage. Yet, who was to blame?
Where you have the heady combination of infatuation and money, there lies a recipe for many a tragicomic story.
Take the case of the Briton, a married man with a family back home, who visited Thailand and fell in love with a beautiful Chiang Mai girl. When he returned to the UK, he gave her an allowance of =A31,500 a month.
Well, don't be surprised that it went to her head and she began to ask for more. There he was, paying her all this money and trying to make ends meet in the most expensive country in the European Union.
And, when a friend suggested he should fly out to resolve the situation, the silly man had to explain that he no longer had enough money to pay for an air ticket.
Patience is a virtue
A cross-cultural relationship is full of hurdles that need to be jumped with care. If not, the fall can be heavy. At the start, there is so much myth and illusion that need to be swept away before any normal relationship can begin.
A wise American friend of mine took two years to woo his Thai lady and it has taken a further five difficult years to make it a successful one. =20
There's a lesson in that. W
